Writing for writing's sake leads to existential debate

I've been staring at this blank post for a good four hours now. I still don't know what to talk about. I haven't seen any movies, and I don't know what to talk about. So I figure I'd just write and see where the words take me. Because some days my brain just doesn't want to cooperate with me.

Which I find rather odd. The idea that we can see ourselves separate from our body and our brain despite the brain being us. That idea of there being something more, a soul or whatever you want to call it. It's an interesting paradox our brains develop. Yet it makes sense to us all the same. We are and aren't our physical form. And despite evidence of this not being true, we still prefer to think this way.

I know I'm rambling, but it's interesting to think about. I guess my mind wants to explore this more so I will. 

I never really gave much credence to religion. I was raised in a family that seemed to have an on-again-off-again relationship with religion. My father was raised a Mormon, my mother Presbyterian, but they both kinda fell out of their respective churches. So I was raised with no religious background other than a random sense of spirituality.

There was a time when my family did try out the Mormon church for a while. But I never really found much need for religion in my life, even at the age of twelve. My mother at one time, frustrated with my disinterest, asking me why I didn't want a better life, only for me to point out that we lived perfectly fine and had been getting along rather well without religion. This kinda surprised my mother, who seemed to agree with me when she seriously considered it. 

Fast forward thirteen years and my mother is now a born-again Christian after a botched suicide attempt in the wake of her failed marriage. My brother having converted to Christianity for his wife as well. And now I'm the black sheep who feels horribly out of place at family get-togethers. I don't necessarily hate religion, as I acknowledge it can have positive changes for those who feel they need it, but I also just can't get into it. 

It boils down to the fact that the supposed answers religion gives to the myriad of questions I, and no doubt every person, has about life and it's complexity feels rather unsatisfying. And a lot of it is designed to work around logic every time it tries to poke holes in the narrative religion presents. And, being someone with a horribly critical mind, I can't help but poke holes in it. And ultimately I just find myself going and looking for my own answers in my own way. 

Which is why I think all of us have to make our own spiritual journeys in our own ways. I think that may be one of the major points to life, if there actually is a point. Some of us find the path that suits them best in pre-established religious institutions. Others decide not to go down any path and instead just live by their own standards in the form of atheism, while some kinda skirt the line with agnosticism or what have you. And then you have nuts like me who kinda just be and come up with our own conclusions.

I've come up with my own assumptions on what the real truth behind life is. But I don't necessarily think they're important to share because my point is that you have to find what works for you. It doesn't matter if it's actually "right" or "wrong" just that it works for you. Because, at least how I see it, everyone is both right and wrong when it comes to this sort of stuff. And so long as you aren't being a dick about it, go ahead and believe it.