Pain, alcohol, and blogging don't mix
So yesterday I had to put down my beloved cat, Snowy. And I did not take it very well. I already had to put one cat down back in March, and another cat the year before that so I really wasn't needing to get rid of my last cat at that moment.
I'm still very angry, and in pain, and I just don't know how to react to it. It was a major test of my desire to live a more relaxed and chill life, and all my calm and collected feelings and emotions went right out the window the moment I got the news that Snowy had to be put down. Even as I write this, I still don't know how to take things.
But yesterday I got drunk. Really fucking drunk. And spent most of the day either looking for someone to hurt or cursing god. In this state, I learned two things:
1. Even at my worst, I would sooner make someone else happy than make their day worse. I ran into a homeless man who asked me if I could ever see him driving a large RV (there was an RV show next to the park I was walking through) and said that, yes, I could. Despite a myriad of other harsh responses buzzing in my head I decided to walk a higher path. He smiled and thanked me, saying it was a "good omen." If only he knew...
2. If there is a God, I have no desire to associate with him. After years of trying to figure out my stance on religion and God, this whole experience has pretty much summed up my stance on God.
Needless to say, the latter realization was obvious to anyone who read my drunken "declaration of war" against God. And in hindsight, well I shouldn't have gotten on my laptop after three beers, half a bottle of rum, and a few White Russians. We're all human, and make mistakes. At least I didn't go and hurt anyone. In fact, I did the opposite. In spite of the pain I was in, I made someone happy.
Which is more than I can say for God.
I'm still very angry, and in pain, and I just don't know how to react to it. It was a major test of my desire to live a more relaxed and chill life, and all my calm and collected feelings and emotions went right out the window the moment I got the news that Snowy had to be put down. Even as I write this, I still don't know how to take things.
But yesterday I got drunk. Really fucking drunk. And spent most of the day either looking for someone to hurt or cursing god. In this state, I learned two things:
1. Even at my worst, I would sooner make someone else happy than make their day worse. I ran into a homeless man who asked me if I could ever see him driving a large RV (there was an RV show next to the park I was walking through) and said that, yes, I could. Despite a myriad of other harsh responses buzzing in my head I decided to walk a higher path. He smiled and thanked me, saying it was a "good omen." If only he knew...
2. If there is a God, I have no desire to associate with him. After years of trying to figure out my stance on religion and God, this whole experience has pretty much summed up my stance on God.
Needless to say, the latter realization was obvious to anyone who read my drunken "declaration of war" against God. And in hindsight, well I shouldn't have gotten on my laptop after three beers, half a bottle of rum, and a few White Russians. We're all human, and make mistakes. At least I didn't go and hurt anyone. In fact, I did the opposite. In spite of the pain I was in, I made someone happy.
Which is more than I can say for God.
Comments
Post a Comment